Thank You

Ah Thanksgiving again. This is one time of year we all say how thankful we are for the people and things in our lives. I wish I could start a new trend that involved people recognizing (out loud) what they are thankful for everyday. If Junebug has taught me anything (which she has, a lot) it's to be thankful.

(Junebug's first Thanksgiving 2009)

It's not your husband that needs to hear it, its not your kids, its not your dog. It's God. And he deserves to hear it for sure. However, it goes without saying, we want to hear it occasionally too. It makes the things we do worthwhile when that little voice squeaks out "dank you" just for handing one tiny little goldfish. And after the15th goldfish and "dank you" following it is starting to get annoying, but somehow it still doesn't get old to me. Makes every sacrifice so worth it. If everything were only that simple.

So Let's make this a Thanksgiving resolution, to pronounce our thankfulness to God, to the world, and to each other.

Here is my list for 2010:                                                                                  (in no particular order)
1.Most beautiful Junebug, who loves me unconditionally. Can't say anymore on that note without squirting one.ha
2. An amazing mother who taught me everything I know and still is. Would be lost without her.
3. An amazing father who not only gave me all his love and fatherly advice but selflessly offered it to Junebug.
4. For 2 most amazing siblings, loving me in all my shortcomings, and somehow understanding my mindless ramble at 3am every time.
5. An amazing boyfriend, although times are tough, he supported me through everything, and asked no questions.
6. For 3 of the most amazing BFF's. I am lucky enough to have 3 women put up with my BS 24/7. I am beyond grateful.
7. I am grateful for the music that has pulled me through this year.
8. For Miller, yes the dog, my silent companion. I am grateful for your protection.
9. My amazing boss- for keeping a job for me when you didn't have to.
10. Medical Bills! Yes I know. Without them I would be 6 feet under right now. So I am thankful!
11. Shiraz... enough said.
12. Crazy Memphis, you and your weather, well...  I just can't help but love you.
13. I could sit here and type all day cause I'm thankful for my hands and brain to do it... but time doesn't allow!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Through Differences I See Humanity

(Had to share Junebug's first Chuck E Cheese Experience!)

Today. Hmm. So much in my mind today not even sure where to start. I miss my Junebug. Stayed at Daddy's last night and will be there again tonight. It's really tough sharing the one thing you love the most. However, probably shouldn't go there today. Stay tuned for more exciting stories of baby daddy drama :-)

Today I feel like a Salvador Dali painting. So many random, separate stories all in one place. Well, maybe two. My heart and head. And its a never ending story with man. That is the battle with his heart and head. So you make the decision of what is best, according to your head. But then you remain unhappy because your heart is telling you something totally different. How can you live like that? Why would God give you two totally separate feelings that play a part in every decision. Even when it comes to whats for lunch. You're head says I would really love a big mac, but your heart says don't eat that, its not healthy for me. Or maybe thats your stomach? This is so confusing. 



Nobody has the same heart. Except in that weird situation of a movie Return to Me with Minnie Driver and David Duchovny... You can feel the same thing at the same time: sad, happy, love. But each heart feels it differently. With the exception of your soul mate. There is a reason they are called soul mates. Cause your hearts melt together, laugh together, love together. When you find that one, its like fireworks. Beautiful, loud, sometimes obnoxious, but at the same time breathtaking. I know, I'm so cliché. Yes, we all make mistakes. Maybe light the fuse a little too early. I strive to live and learn (refer to Beware of Tiger). And if my head choses to slap on a band-aid and move on... then it dos. But if it decides to take the plunge and rip that band-aid off... hurt for a while... and then create some more fireworks, then thats my heart. Not yours.





 Life is dirty, it stains my beauty. And sometimes its hard for people to see through all the dirt, like Pig-Pen. It's me who has to strain to hold on to myself through all of this. To remember who I am. To not let others influence my heart to sway one way or another. It's my battle. 

Love others hearts. Love their minds. I'm not saying you have to love their decisions, that would be a choice of your heart or head. 

(YES those are fireworks :-)

Beware Of Tiger

A wise man once told me to never let one action slander someone's character. So true and such sweet words to hear. I used to judge, a lot. I used to judge single moms. "Like how could she not keep her man or that poor kid who only has one parent." Now I am one, and boy was I wrong!! The world throws things at us that are sometimes a really hard way to learn lessons. But would you really learn any other way? 

(Wise Uncle with Junebug)

Yes, the mysterious man is still gone from the house if you are all wanting to know. It will remain that way for quite a while until we learn to learn the hard way. How could you close the door on someone when you know that ONE mistake (no need to claim past ones)  doesn't define their character.

The mommy tigress in me takes over and all I want to do is gash out eyes if needed to keep Junebug in her safe, innocent, protected environment. I, at all cost, will provide stability for her. I want to raise the strong, beautiful, independent and oh so confident woman that my parents so effortlessly did with me! She deserves every bit of it! So if that means giving lots of healing time to this 6 yearish relationship until we are 100% ready, then it does. I will sacrifice my happiness for hers. And who am I kidding? Junebug is what makes me happy :) 

(Vicious!)

So today, I beg you all to shun those people who say to you "you have a hard head" or "why do you always have to learn the hard way"??? And you say back with a smile: because the ones who don't are honestly the ones who suffer.

First and Last

Hooray!! Our first full sentence. At least that was understood by mommy. As she is trying oh so hard to move her fisher price slide across the room, upon picking it up she screams "It's too heavy!" Clear as day! Then drops and runs to me, putting her little hand in mine, dragging me to the slide for assistance. 

                                           (Junebug on Halloween) 
Funny how her first full sentence is "it's too heavy". It's like she was reading my mind. My life at this point has been one heavy slide after another, always putting my little hand into another to get help through it. 


Finally finding the "one" who I thought would be there through every lift of life has gone his separate way. Which of course includes me forcing him his own separate way. It is officially over, 6 years, on and off of course. Back to Single Mom 101, have not quite graduated to 102. He was there from the beginning, dedicated help from mysterious man. So this is what it feels like to be a single mom? The man who loved Junebug just like she was his own, the man who loved mommy dearest like no man has ever loved her before, the man who stole both of our hearts right out the front door. Heres goodbye to you...

(the mysterious man)

But now we are back where we are supposed to be. Junebug and Mommy dearest, together forever. Teaching each other new things everyday. Realizing that when its too heavy, the pat on my back from her little hand as I'm rocking her to sleep reassures me that everything little thing is gonna be alight.                                    

(the first time I fell in love)